I had a talk with Tara today about the nature of my procrastination. And perfectionism. And we whittled it down to two things - confidence and responsibility. The idea of having opinions at university really scares me because I feel like they have to be perfect. I have this perception of uni being a place that moulds you into a more "perfect" person, with "better" values and opinions, and less able to "harm" others. What exactly my brain means by this I'm not sure. But it does involve being politically correct at all times, never having a bad "thought" about others, and always being polite. How boring! No wonder I feel as if I'm being squeezed through a spaghetti maker to come out white, stringy, and tasteless.
If the whole world was like this it really wouldn't work. So yes, university is about education, and by this I mean it's about expanding your mind to include other views of the world. So that you can make your own decisions, and create your own opinions. And recognise the values that you bring with you to practice.
Which brings me to Social Work - is it really the right degree for me? What interested me about social work was its practical nature, and its ability to help people, and the fact that it was a step ahead (educationally speaking) of a Diploma, meaning that I could challenge myself. Well challenge myself I have, but did I mean to get suicidal? I think not. I thinks meself has taken it a little far. So Tara shed some light on this, and I'm a little clearer as a result.
As for Social Work, I'm not sure if it is the right degree. I'm interested in debates about social issues, and I like putting my opinion forward, and in some ways I like having a politically-correct viewpoint shoved down my throat, but fuck! Is this all there is? Trying to be perfect? Well I'm not perfect. I enjoy working with people and I want to do it in a way that enhances their ability to do good things, to express themselves, to feel free and happy. I don't necessarily always want to be challenging the system.
I feel as if I'm supposed to be a certain way in this course and I hate it. So I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm going to breathe, take a deep breath, and salvage my dignity, my humanity. I am going to breathe in imperfections, enjoy them. Rejoice in them even. Because my favourite people are certainly not perfect ones.
And as for the degree, well? I am going to finish it. I'll do what I can this semester, I'll read my arse off, and I'll see what I think at the end of it. I'm not going to kill myself over this degree, I'm just going to learn about how to think.
If the whole world was like this it really wouldn't work. So yes, university is about education, and by this I mean it's about expanding your mind to include other views of the world. So that you can make your own decisions, and create your own opinions. And recognise the values that you bring with you to practice.
Which brings me to Social Work - is it really the right degree for me? What interested me about social work was its practical nature, and its ability to help people, and the fact that it was a step ahead (educationally speaking) of a Diploma, meaning that I could challenge myself. Well challenge myself I have, but did I mean to get suicidal? I think not. I thinks meself has taken it a little far. So Tara shed some light on this, and I'm a little clearer as a result.
As for Social Work, I'm not sure if it is the right degree. I'm interested in debates about social issues, and I like putting my opinion forward, and in some ways I like having a politically-correct viewpoint shoved down my throat, but fuck! Is this all there is? Trying to be perfect? Well I'm not perfect. I enjoy working with people and I want to do it in a way that enhances their ability to do good things, to express themselves, to feel free and happy. I don't necessarily always want to be challenging the system.
I feel as if I'm supposed to be a certain way in this course and I hate it. So I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm going to breathe, take a deep breath, and salvage my dignity, my humanity. I am going to breathe in imperfections, enjoy them. Rejoice in them even. Because my favourite people are certainly not perfect ones.
And as for the degree, well? I am going to finish it. I'll do what I can this semester, I'll read my arse off, and I'll see what I think at the end of it. I'm not going to kill myself over this degree, I'm just going to learn about how to think.
posted by amiabull at
5:20 AM
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